When you start to set limits in your life there are many benefits. It is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with someone who has poor boundaries. Poor boundary setting is firmly connected to low self esteem. One of the primary reasons you may not set boundaries in your life is that you often do not know how, and have never been taught or modelled this process in you life.
Before setting boundaries with others you must first learn to set boundaries in your own life. When you learn to respect yourself, your abilities, and your limits you can start to then set boundaries with others. If you are unable to respect your own boundaries how can you learn to create them with others.
We will discuss how to set boundaries in another blog post but let me take a few minutes to talk about some of the benefits.
Less resentment towards others and yourself
When you always say yes and agree with the requests of others even when they are the complete opposite of what you want leads to internal conflict. Constantly giving in to others needs and not feeling that the effort is reciprocated causes anger and resentment. You resent others as you believe they are only taking from you. It also can cause feelings of resentment towards yourself. You resent yourself for not standing up for yourself, for agreeing to things that you don't want to, for not being true to yourself
Greater sense of internal peace
Setting boundaries allows you to remove people and activities from your life that do not bring you joy and comfort. You often give in to the needs of people who are not interested in your well being. These are the people who will react negatively to your choice to say no and set boundaries. This can lead to conflict and a sense of loss as they may not want to spend time with you anymore. This is OK! Those who support you and are in your life for the right reasons will remain in your life and will encourage you in speaking up for yourself.
Greater productivity and time for yourself
When you start to say no to others you can truly start to say yes to yourself. There is now time to focus on what you enjoy and want to do. You now have time for self care, this can be leisure activities, new adventures, or just sitting on the sofa! Before you can figure out what some of those things are you need to know what you want in life. That will be the focus of another post.
It's important to reflect and recognize on what boundaries we need to set and if we are doing this for ourselves. Take some time and think about this. If you aren't sure about what your life goals are or how to set better boundaries in your life then give us a call at Positive Outcome Counselling and Therapy. We would love to walk this path with you to learn more about yourself and achieve your goals.
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